So, after a week of half of us having a vomiting bug and then another week of kids with colds and temps and then myself having a cold this week I have finally made it back. YAY!!!
My husband did an amazing job of running the house and taking care of the kids while I was knocked about this week and he even let me take naps. I am very blessed I know, to have a husband who is so involved in our family and who helps me around the house so much and so often. He goes above and beyond what most people would consider “normal” household and parental duties for a man. Plus he is an excellent cook so, bonus for me.
While extolling the virtues of my amazing husband is awesome, and I have no desire to take away from him as a person, I want to take us back maybe 100 or so years ago. There were fairly rigid boundaries that were laid out as to what was acceptable for a woman to do and what was acceptable for a man to do. Now some of these were more preferences then they were actual things that were not allowed. But it still made it socially unacceptable, and a little awkward, for a man or a woman to be in a role that was typically thought of as something more suited to the other sex. Women were thought of as the delicate ones who needed to be treated more gently. Men were very “macho” and were the protectors and providers. But women were not altogether happy with this set up. Enter women’s liberation, the suffragette movement and feminists.
Now these movements were necassary for certain things undoubtedly. Securing the right for women to vote was a very important step forward as were the changes to some laws regarding distribution of estate when a person died or equal share of property/money etc for women if they were divorced. But I think, in the eagerness to topple men from their pedastool of “patriarchal dictatorship” women have allowed some things to happen that were not quite so good.
Firstly, men have been somehow relegated to the postion of incompetent, unfeeling, unloving, dispicable beings. I saw a post of FB the other day that said “People say “oh man” when things go wrong because men are so disappointing.” Really? Have we stooped so low in our efforts to be noticed and valued and brought level that we have to bring them down? I hear women complain about their husbands/partners all the time, I read it on FB, it is put in newspapers, on TV screens, and in magazines. Men are portrayed (in western cultures at least) as being responsible for everything bad that has happened in the world, as being totally selfish and for the most part, incapable of intelligent thought. If those same ads/articles were run and aimed at a women, can you imagine the outcry. If people were to say the same things about women and to constantly tread them down and belittle them can you imagine the accusations of misogyny, chauvinism and discrimination that would be flying thick and fast. Is it any wonder that a lot of men have just given up and don’t care any more? Once upon a time men would treat women with respect and hold the door for them and give up their seat, not say impolite or rude and vulgar things to or in front of a woman, protect women and be polite. Now, a lot of men won’t offer to help you if they see you struggling with groceries or if your car is broken down. They won’t give up their seats and they don’t open doors. And then, they are the ones who are castigated for their lack of gentlemanly behavior. Or if they do behave nicely it is only seen as a ruse to get a girl to sleep with them. They can’t win.
Nowdays a lot of women can be just as vulgar and rude as the men and many women are constantly giving men a verbal beating. Is it any wonder that a lot of men couldn’t care less about treating women nicely. Respect is something to be earned and a lot of men I am afraid to say have lost their respect for women. Now I am NOT speaking here about physical or sexual abuse. That should never be tolerated by anyone. And by the way there are a lot of men who are abused by their partners also. But they receive little to no support and are often told to just suck it up because they are men.
Secondly, men have lost their place in society. With the rise of equal rights for women, men are not the only ones who work to provide for the family. And single dads and stay at home dads are becoming more common. We also want them to be gentle and help with housework and also help to raise the kids (which they will already be doing anyway if they are a good husband and father). And we want them to still be the protectors and macho ones. But then, too often, we ladies try to tell them how it should all be done. We try to get them to do things our way. We women get upset with them when they want to spend time with their mates, because we feel they aren’t spending enough time with us or with the kids. We get frustrated when they spend time playing computer/video games (yes I hate computer/video games) as their unwind time because we see it as a waste of time.
Men are constantly being fed different information about who they should be and how they should act that I think they lose themselves sometimes. I heard once that the biggest killer of men in our society was suicide. Men are constantly under so much stress from so many sources. I think we forget that they need time out just as much as we do. They need the time to figure out who they are as a person now that their role has changed, just as much as we do as mothers. Too often women try to bend mens wills and their minds to try and fit them into what we think they should be like. But men are not like us. Their brains think differently to ours.
There is so much more I would like to say on this topic but this post is already very long so I will simply end with this. Women need to treat men with more respect. Yes there may be some men who don’t deserve it. But respect to a man is like a card and a bunch of flowers to a women. It is how they know that we love them. If a man feels respected by his wife, he will be more willing to do things for her.
Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband